Use Somebody
by taperjeangurl
Summary: Tara's back in town to take care of her ailing father only to come face to face with the ghosts of her past...but she's got a few secrets trailing behind her too...Jax/Tara. Season 1 AU with some Season 3 elements.
1. The House That Built Me

USE SOMEBODY

Chapter One

_I thought if I could touch this place or feel it_  
_This brokenness inside me might start healing._  
_Out here its like I'm someone else,_  
_I thought that maybe I could find myself._  
_If I could just come in I swear I'll leave._  
_Won't take nothing but a memory_  
_From the house that built me._

_You leave home, you move on and you do the best you can._  
_I got lost in this whole world and forgot who I am._

_I thought if I could touch this place or feel it_  
_this brokenness inside me might start healing._  
_Out here its like I'm someone else,_  
_I thought that maybe I could find myself._  
_If I could walk around I swear I'll leave._  
_Won't take nothing but a memory_  
_from the house that built me._

"The House That Built Me" by Miranda Lambert

The house loomed in front of her like a fallen monument, a ruined and dusty memory. Even though she had already been back for two weeks, she still hadn't gotten used to being back in the house of her childhood, sleeping in the bed where she had laughed, cried, and dreamt so many things, and walking through the rooms that held so many ghosts. It felt like she couldn't look at anything or touch anything without being jolted by some long-forgotten memory. She couldn't stand it. This house, that had shaped her into what she'd ultimately had to run from, was going to drive her insane.

She'd needed to come back. There was no doubt in her mind about that. Her father's years of binge drinking had inevitably caught up with him and the doctors weren't sure exactly how much time he had left. He had only agreed to see a doctor after collapsing one morning and after she had begged and pleaded with him to seek help. The prognosis was exactly what she had feared: liver cancer. And so like it or not, she was back in Charming.

She had completely forgotten how difficult it was to keep a low profile in Charming. It was a small town, too small, and any news, especially the return of the ex-girlfriend of the local biker gang's heir apparent, was going to spread like wildfire. All she could do was keep her head down and stay out of the way. Hell, she even drove to the next town over to buy her groceries for the sheer dread of running into anyone who might recognize her…and that was pretty much everyone.

Of course it didn't help that the medical director at St. Thomas had somehow talked her into taking a position in the ER. Dr. Sanchez had picked up on her restlessness and had used it as leverage, as most doctors do, and had appealed to her need to 'have something to do while she wasn't sitting alone in an empty house or sitting next to a hospital bed', as he had so aptly put it, with the assurance that her position could be as temporary or as long-term as she wanted. Truth be told, she wasn't sure which need was greater…the restlessness or the mounting pile of medical bills that had ultimately swayed her.

So now after running away from this town to pursue her dream of becoming a doctor, among other things, she had come full circle and was working at the same hospital where she and all her ghosts had been born and where some had died. Needless to say, she wasn't particularly happy about it. At least, like Dr. Sanchez said, the job was a welcome distraction from the shit that was piling up on her life. If it wasn't a violent stalker ex-boyfriend, it was a dying father and if it wasn't that, it was having to inevitably come face to face with her past in Charming. At this point, her position at St. Thomas was the lesser of all the evils surrounding her.

And the longer she was in town, the harder it was to escape that past. She was starting to see his face everywhere, especially in all the places where her memories of him were so strongly rooted. Every time she drove past the diner she had slaved at all through high school, she could almost see him waiting for her in the parking lot, perched on his bike with his overlong golden hair blowing lightly around his face, his blue eyes sparkling as he waited to drive her home. And then there was the park, where they had spent too many heated nights…she could almost taste him…smell his sweat…it was almost as painful as driving past Teller and Murrow, the last place she had seen him and the last time she had seen the heartbroken eyes that haunted her. There were too many places in this town that held painful memories for her; no wonder it felt like she hardly ever left the hospital.

There had been one moment in the dead of the night, during her first week back, where she had sworn she heard the roar of a bike in front of the house. Before she could stop herself, she sprang to the window to search for him but the bike had already flown down the street and away from her.

With a sigh, she fell onto the couch after a long day of visiting her dad; she had an ER shift in less than three hours and she desperately needed sleep. Her eyes had just begun to close when the door bell rang. What the hell…

She felt her heart pounding wildly in her chest as she hesitantly opened the door. There were only a handful of people that could possibly be at her doorstep and they weren't particularly anyone she wanted to see anytime soon.

The sight of the dark-haired, perfectly manicured, Jimmy Z-clad woman on her door step was enough to make her skin crawl.

"Hello, Gemma," she sighed, wincing slightly.

Gemma smirked and crossed her arms at her chest. "Hello, Tara."

"What can I do for you?"

"Well, I just figured I'd stop by and see how you're doing."

Tara frowned and unconsciously tightened her grip on the door handle. "Ok…um…would you like to come in?"

Gemma smiled tightly and nodded once before stepping into the house. She glanced around with a slight smirk at the pile of newspapers and dirty clothes and the even more daunting mountain of cigarette buds, dirty dishes, and empty beer bottles.

"Well, nice to know some things don't change," she grinned, "how do you manage to find any spare time for that new job of yours when you have such a mess to clean up here?"

Tara gritted her teeth and blew out a long sigh. God, the woman had only been in her house of less than thirty seconds and she already wanted to punch her in the face. Just like old times. But, things were different now. She was ten years older and wiser and she couldn't waste any time or energy on any of that old shit. It just wasn't worth it anymore. Especially when the old battle Gemma seemed to want to fight wasn't a battle she even wanted anymore.

"Do I even want to know how you knew I was back or that I was working at St. Thomas?" She sighed.

Gemma chuckled and shook her head with a dramatic eyeroll. "Come on, sweetie. You know what people in this town are like: they talk. Hell, I knew within two hours of you being back here."

"Well, it's nice to see some things never change," Tara muttered under her breath.

Gemma chuckled again as she gingerly tapped a pile of dirty dishes with her heel. "You need any help with this? I can send a Prospect over if you—"

"Why are you here, Gemma?" Tara cut in.

Her mouth curved to the right and she shook her head. "Ok. Let's cut right to the chase then. I have something for you."

"What?"

Gemma reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope. "Here…your father is an old friend of the club and Clay and I want to do what we can to help."

She peeked into the envelope and when she saw the $50,000 check, her mouth fell open. "Gemma…I can't take this…it's too much…no…"

"I don't know exactly how steep your dad's medical bills are but I do know that he drank almost every penny he had and that there's no way you can dig yourself out from under them by yourself. It won't be enough to cover everything but it should be enough for about half."

Tara shook her head furiously. "No…I can't take this…why would you…does…?"

Gemma just smirked again and perched a hand on her hip. "Yes you can. And like I said before, we're doing this to help your dad. He's been a good friend to us and he was a good friend to John. It's the least we can do. And no, Jax doesn't know we're doing this. It's none of his business anyways."

Tara just kept shaking her head. "It's too much, Gemma."

"No it's not. Look, I'm sorry for what's going on with your dad. He's a good man and he's dealt with a lot of shit over all the years I've known him.'

There was an awkward moment of silence.

"Thank you, Gemma. I appreciate what you're doing."

Gemma nodded and stepped closer to wrap her arms around Tara in a hesitant embrace. When she stepped back, she ran a hand through her hair and chuckled under her breath.

"And whether you believe it or not, I _am _sorry for what you're dealing with now too. That's a lot of shit to be resting on your shoulders. I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

"Even me?" Tara responded lightly.

"Yeah, even you." Gemma replied with a laugh. "And don't think this means I trust you and it definitely doesn't mean I like you."

Tara nodded and shoved her hands in her pockets. Of course, there was no way the past was going to be forgotten. She was going to have to live with the consequences of her actions.

"So how long are you going to be at St. Thomas?"

"I'm not sure…at least until…well, Dr. Sanchez told me I could stay as long as I wanted."

Gemma nodded slowly, a familiar hard edge masking her features. Within seconds, Tara recognized the look…she had seen it enough times that it didn't matter if it had been over ten years since she'd seen it. It was burned into her memory.

"Look, Gemma, I'm only back because of my dad. I needed the extra money and to be completely honest, I've been losing my mind being in this house by myself and I needed something to do besides sit by my dad's hospital bed and sit on that damn couch. I don't want to go into town because…well, the job at St. Thomas was just a means to an end. As soon as everything is resolved with my dad and I get this house in order so I can sell the damn thing, I'm going back to Chicago."

Gemma clenched her jaw and nodded quickly. "Good. Try to remember that…if you can."

Tara nodded and bit her lip. "Thanks for your help, Gemma. I think you should go now."

"Yeah, you're right." She started to leave but when her hand touched the door knob, she turned back around on her heel. "Look, I know I wasn't exactly the welcoming committee but I understand why you're here and whether you believe me or not, I think you're doing the a good thing here. I just hope everything gets resolved before anymore shit goes down. If your dad needs anything…or if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask the club, alright?"

"Thanks, Gemma."

She watched yet another ghost of the past walk out the door and quickly shut it behind her. She ran a shaky hand over her face and slowly sunk to the floor. While there was a part of her that felt she should throw open the door, chase after Gemma and return the money, the rational part of her was telling her she'd be stupid not to take it. Whatever Clay and Gemma's reasons, help was still help and she needed as much as she could get. There was no one else. No one but who she knew in Charming and even if they no longer considered her family, her dad still managed to somehow fit under the umbrella. And as much as she hated to admit it, Gemma was right. There was absolutely no way she could pay for all the current medical bills as well as all the unpaid ones she was just finding out about.

Now all she could do was pray that her dad found peace quickly…and that Gemma was the only ghost she'd have to come face to face with. And if she was lucky, she'd never have to come face to face with the scariest ghost of all.

* * *

It was only 3 a.m. and she still had five long hours to go before she could finally get out of there and get some much needed sleep. For the most part, her shift had been pretty uneventful so it was hard to complain but that didn't make the time fly by any faster.

With a bored sigh, she leaned against the nurses' station and rubbed her eyes tiredly.

"Can't we just get something to make it more interesting around here? I don't know…a drunk who knocked himself unconscious…something…" She sighed.

Nurse Engel came up next to her with a hearty laugh and rested an elbow on the desk. "Yeah, then we'll be cleaning up piss and vomit all night. Not exactly what we're looking for…"

Tara tried to laugh…but she was just so god-damn tired. Her eyes felt like they had ten pound weights attached to them and she didn't know how much longer she would be able to stay upright.

"Not sleeping well, hun?" Nurse Engel asked kindly, immediately picking up on the obvious.

"Huh? Oh…yeah." She rubbed her temples and blinked several times before taking a deep breath.

"You're working yourself to death, honey…you should take a rest. I'm sure you've got a lot on your mind right now and since we're dead, it wouldn't hurt to take a breather if you need it."

Tara nodded slowly and for a moment, her eyes shone with unshed tears. "Ok, thanks. Just, uh, page me if you need something. I'll just take a fifteen and then I'll be right back up here."

Nurse Engel smiled knowingly and nodded to her. "Sure thing. I'll just be sitting here waiting for something to do."

If Tara had had enough energy, she would've laughed. That lumpy couch in the rest area never felt so good.

Unfortunately, that fifteen minutes didn't last as long as she thought it would. It was only a matter of minutes before Nurse Engel's voice came rattling over the speaker: "Dr. Knowles to the ER! Dr. Knowles to the ER!"

Go figure, she thought hazily, finally get a break and _then _something finally decides to happen…

So within mere moments she was out the door and jogging down the hallway to see what was going on. There was definitely some sort of commotion in the ER; there was banging and some yelling from down the hall…whatever was happening was not exactly what she had meant when she said she wished it would get more interesting. Well, be careful what you wish for.

But when she saw the leather cuts, the dirt-crusted boots, and the crowd of domineering men wearing them…she skidded to a complete stop. For a moment, she just stared at them, taking them in one by one. There was Opie, who was now slack-jawed in front of her, and Tig, whose eyebrows furrowed deep in his forehead, an expression-less Clay, Piney and Bobby, who attempted a friendly wave, a few cuts she didn't recognize, and Gemma, whose eyes narrowed into dangerous black slits…which could only that…

It certainly didn't take a genius to figure out which of the SAMCRO members was lying in the hospital bed around the curtain. With her heart thumping wildly in her chest, she focused all her attention on the nurse who was spattering off the details she needed to know. Something about a bullet wound…through the shoulder…losing blood…and before she could untangle all her twisted emotions, the nurse pulled aside the curtain.

The eyes that had haunted her for ten years widened in shock for a fleeting moment and before her heart could miss another beat, his eyes morphed into ice, dead and expressionless despite the pain he had to be in.

With a deep breath, she spoke to him for the first time in ten years: "Hello, Jax."

He nodded once, not even wincing when Nurse Engel stuck a needle into his arm.

"Tara."

Cold and flat. Just like she had imagined it would be.

Be careful what you wish for was right. It looked as though Gemma wouldn't be the only ghost from her past haunting her that day.

* * *

A/N-So this is my first SoA fic. It's going to be more of an AU to Season 1 with some elements of Season 3 thrown in there too. Tara's secret has been hinted at...we'll see how that all plays out. Reviews are like gold to me...I love them and I need them! More coming soon...


	2. Hurt

USE SOMEBODY

Chapter Two

_I hurt myself today_  
_To see if I still feel_  
_I focus on the pain_  
_The only thing that's real_  
_The needle tears a hole_  
_The old familiar sting_  
_Try to kill it all away_  
_But I remember, everything_

_What have I become_  
_My sweetest friend_  
_Everyone I know goes away_  
_In the end_  
_And you could have it all_  
_My empire of dirt_  
_I will let you down_  
_I will make you hurt_

_I wear this crown of thorns_  
_Upon my liar's chair_  
_Full of broken thoughts_  
_I cannot repair_  
_Beneath the stains of time_  
_The feelings disappear_  
_You are someone else_  
_I am still right here_

_What have I become_  
_My sweetest friend_  
_Everyone I know goes away_  
_In the end_  
_And you could have it all_  
_My empire of dirt_  
_I will let you down_  
_I will make you hurt_

_If I could start again_  
_A million miles away_  
_I would keep myself_  
_I would find a way_

_"Hurt" by Johnny Cash_

She approached him carefully and slowly. She didn't have any other ideas for how to go about it. How did she treat, both figuratively and literally, the man who held so much of her past? It was obvious he didn't want anything to do with her. Hell, he could barely make eye contact with her. And when he did finally look her in the eye, the look she was met with chilled her to the bone. He hated her.

Taking a small step closer to his hospital bed, she checked in with the nurse to get his vitals, keeping a cautious eye on him the entire time. He just stared straight up at the ceiling. When the nurse was finished with her report, Tara couldn't put off getting closer to him any longer…especially since hesitating to treat a bullet wound for that long was technically malpractice…

"Jax…" the sound of her soft voice alerted his icy gaze, "I need to take a look at that hole in your shoulder. You've lost a lot of blood and I need to close it as quickly as possible before there's any permanent danger…is that alright?"

His stare seemed to cut right through her and his voice was just as hostile: "Do what you need to, Doc."

She nodded quickly and set to work. The sooner she patched him up the sooner she could get him out of there.

"Alright, Jax…I'm going to stitch this up. The nurse can give you a pain med, if you want—"

"Just sew the damn thing up, Tara." He cut her off.

At this point, she knew it was better to just ignore the tone than acknowledge it. When her fingertips touched his skin for the first time, it seemed to jump back and away from her touch. There wasn't any time to ruminate why he had reacted to her that way. So, with expert fingers, she began weaving the needle through his torn skin. It wasn't often that patients refused a pain med for stitches, especially this many, but then again, he wasn't any ordinary patient. And even though it had been ten years since they'd last been in the same room together, she knew the cold tone in his voice and in his eyes well enough to know not to push him any further.

With only the sound of thread penetrating skin, fifteen minutes passed in near silence. Those were easily the longest fifteen minutes of her life and she guessed the same for him too. Finally, the last section on his wound was closed and she quickly scanned over the patched-up skin, nodding at her handiwork.

"Alright, all done. The only thing I'm worried about now is the amount of blood you lost. In most cases, patients with wounds like yours heal completely but I'd rather not take any chances if it's alright with you." She said hesitantly.

He shrugged, despite his shoulder wound, and looked away wearily. "Whatever you think is best, Doc."

She nodded slowly and with a deep sigh, responded: "Well, I guess I better bring everyone out there up to speed. They probably had to strap your mom down in a straightjacket to keep her from busting in here."

As she turned to head out into the waiting room, she thought she saw a ghost of a smile on his lips.

* * *

When Tara came into sight, everyone outside waiting for Jax immediately sprung to their feet.

"How is he?" Gemma whispered anxiously.

Before she knew what she was doing, Tara put a reassuring hand on Gemma's arm. For a split second, both women stared at each other in shock…then Tara removed her hand just as quickly.

She had to clear her throat before speaking. "Uh…well, he's going to be fine. He needed about 30 stitches on both sides, which will heal in a few weeks and he'll need to keep his arm in a sling. What I'm most worried about, though, is the amount of blood he lost. It's standard policy to keep him overnight so I can monitor him. We'll get him up and walking around to see how he does with that, pump him back up with fluids, and hopefully, he'll respond to that the way we need him to and there won't be a need for a transfusion."

As soon as she said the word 'transfusion', she saw Gemma blanch and quickly jumped to ease her worries.

"It's not going to come to that, Gemma…Jax is strong and healthy and he'll bounce back from this in no time. It's better to be safe, have him complete all the tests we need him to pass, and then he'll be free to go."

Gemma seemed to ease at that and Clay even put a reassuring arm around her shoulder.

"Alright," Gemma asked slightly unsteadily, "how long do you think that will take?"

"It usually depends on the patient. He'll be here the rest of the night for sure and knowing what I know about Jax, he'll respond to everything exactly the way he's supposed to in as soon as some of his strength comes back and I can send him home."

Gemma nodded and began trying to eagerly get a look inside Jax's hospital room. "Can we see him?"

Tara nodded warmly. "Of course you can. Just as long as only a few of you are in there at once."

That was all Gemma and Clay needed before they hustled into Jax's room. Before long, Gemma's overly-dramatic cries for 'her baby' could be heard through the door. Tara shook her head and chuckled for appearances, although on the inside, she couldn't escape the sinking feeling that settled into her stomach. That woman was still treating Jax like he was a child. She had hoped time would have taken care of that but she'd obviously been wrong. Maybe she hadn't been that far off when she'd accused the club of being 'incestuous' ten years ago…

"Some things never change, huh?"

The kind voice jolted Tara out of her thoughts and the chart she's been holding clamored to the floor.

"Sorry, Tara," Opie whispered, the kindness still apparent in her voice. "I didn't mean to scare ya."

She shook her head quickly with a small smile and rubbed her eyes. "No…don't worry about it. It's just been a very, very long night."

He nodded with clear understanding as he took a sip of his coffee. "Yeah, I can believe that. I'm sure this isn't exactly the way you wanted to come face to face with…well, with all this again."

Tara swallowed slowly and bit her lip, refusing to make eye contact with him with a split second. Why was it that the men in that club were always able to see right through her? Well, at the very least, it appeared she still had a friend, if not an uneasy one, in Opie.

"Well, I'd been hoping I could avoid it all together but I guess you can't always get what you want, right?" She laughed unevenly.

Opie chuckled weakly. "Yeah, I suppose…so, how is…everything? I mean…"

"I'm fine, Opie," she cut in, effectively avoiding a conversation she wasn't ready to have yet. "Anyways, how's Donna? I haven't seen her in forever…you guys got married, right?"

"We sure did," he nodded with a smile. "Two kids, a house, the whole thing."

This time, a genuine smile crossed her face. "Oh wow…Opie…that's great! At least some of us got our acts together."

"Well, I suppose I could say the same for you too, Dr. Knowles. Listen, I'm sure Donna'd love to have you over to catch up so…feel free to just come over when you have some free time, ok?" This time, when he spoke, there was a hint of worry underlying the kindness.

Tara smiled, trying not to seem ungrateful or hesitant at Opie's kindness. As much as she'd like to stop over at Opie and Donna's, have dinner with them, catch up and reminisce about old times, and meet their inevitably gorgeous children…deep down, she knew it was just a bad idea. If she immersed herself in that world again, even just a little bit, who knows long it would take before she was completely down the rabbit hole again? However innocent it may seem on the surface, Tara knew she had to keep some considerable distance between the older, wiser, and more mature Tara and the impulsive, carefree, and immature Tara of ten years ago. She almost felt like a recovering addict just released from rehab following the cardinal rules of recovery: stay away from old friends and old habits.

But she knew she couldn't let Opie know that. So she smiled again and replied coolly:

"I'd like that, Opie. Please tell Donna I said hello."

He quickly pulled her into a short hug and as he released her, he leaned down to whisper something into her ear: "I don't care what anybody says, Tara; I'm glad you're back home."

She didn't have the time or the energy to really process what that meant. So instead, she just smiled as warmly and as thankfully as she could before excusing herself to get back to her patient. Before long, Gemma and Clay were leaving Jax's room, even though Gemma kept looking back worriedly. Well, back to work.

She approached them, reminding herself that she was a doctor and had a job to do, regardless of who the patient or his parents were.

"He wants us to leave," Clay said simply with a shoulder shrug. "Says we should go home and get some sleep."

Tara nodded quickly and unfortunately for her, didn't miss how quickly Gemma's fists and jaw clenched at her next words. "He's right; like I said earlier, he's going to be fine. He just needs some time to recuperate and he should do some of that here where we can monitor his progress. The best thing all of you can do is go home and get some sleep. I'll give you a call when you can pick him up in the morning."

Clay nodded in tired understanding and quickly put up a hand to stop Gemma from intervening on the situation. "Sounds like a plan, Doc. Just give us a call as soon as you know something."

"I will."

"I'll be fine, Ma!" Jax's exhausted voice called from inside his hospital room.

"See," Clay point out softly to his seething wife. "He said so himself; he's going to be fine. The best thing we can do right now is just go home and get some sleep. We can pick him up in the morning after the Doc's done her thing here."

Clay's somewhat poor choice of words seemed to strike a nerve with Gemma and her eyes narrowed in on both her retreating husband and Tara like a snake.

"Yeah," Gemma spat out as she turned to leave. "As soon as you're done, 'doin' your thing with my son, I'll be back to pick up the pieces…just like old times, right, Tara?"

As the ER doors swung behind her, Clay's weary eyes silently apologized and then he too, after ushering every other member of SAMCRO out of the ER, left.

She'd have been lying to herself if she said she wasn't relieved.

* * *

The next hour passed by rather slowly, too slowly, in fact; Jax's refusal to look at or speak to her unless absolutely necessary wasn't really helping the situation either. In reality, it was actually making her job much more difficult than it had to be but something told her he already knew that. He allowed her to take his vitals and check on his bandages but that was pretty much it. Any questions were met with a curt 'yes' or 'no', but nothing more. Any time she tried to start a simple, generic conversation, she got the same response. It was clear they didn't know how to even be in the same room with each other anymore, let alone function as normal human beings. And now, she was beginning to think he was being an asshole just for the sake of being an asshole.

She was filling out some paperwork for the latest blood test she'd run on Jax to make sure his white and red blood cell count were where they needed to be when she heard a commotion coming from the waiting area. She quickly set down the papers and turned the corner to see Nurse Engel restraining a very pregnant and very strung-out crazy-eyed woman.

"I wanna see my husband!" The woman was screaming as she pushed against Nurse Engel get past her.

"Ma'am," Tara interceded, "what's going on?"

"This bitch won't let me see my husband! He's in there…and he's hurt…and he needs me! Just let me in there so I can make sure he's ok!" The woman screamed.

Tara held out her hands in an effort to try to calm everyone down. After all, this woman seemed to be incredibly high-strung as well as strung-out, which wasn't doing her unborn child any favors. Nurse Engel, who had zero tolerance for volatile behavior of any kind, as Tara had seen on numerous occasions, stood strong against the hysterical woman who was throwing elbow after elbow. It wasn't long before one of the woman's sharp elbows clipped Nurse Engel's nose, which sent her reeling.

"Oh no you didn't…you messed with the wrong nurse, girl!" Nurse Engel said with eerie calmness before taking a swing at the woman.

"Alright, alright…everyone just settle down here!" Tara yelled out, rushing in between the two to keep a brawl from starting in the waiting room. This was absolutely the last thing everyone needed: disorderly conduct at 3 am in the ER. Again, not exactly the excitement she had been longing for only a few hours before.

"Let's see if we can get this worked out now. Who's your husband?" Tara asked softly when she had gotten both women away from each other.

The woman turned to her with black streaked-tears running down her cheeks, her hair tangled and messy, with one hand on her swollen stomach and the other unconsciously rubbing a track-mark on her arm and replied anxiously: "Jax Teller."

Tara had to take a step back because the wind had just been knocked out of her. His wife? He was married…when had this…wait…what? And she was…she was having his baby…for a moment, she was back in a waiting room not unlike the one she was standing in, filling out paperwork, signing away her soul…a baby? Jax and this crazy, disturbed and completely mentally unstable woman were having a baby together? How had this happened? She just couldn't process what was happening here…and she couldn't push away the worst, most painful memories that always seemed to be lingering around the surface of her thoughts…

"Dr. Knowles?" Nurse Engel was asking, concern etched on her face and in her voice. How many times had she been calling for her?

Tara quickly shook her head to snap herself out of it and took a deep, calming breath.

"I…uh…I'm sorry; I just…um…well, ma'am, if he's really your husband than you can see him." She whispered finally, pushing down the pain it was causing her to say those words and even more so the surprise she felt at feeling so much pain.

"Are you sure about this, Dr. Knowles?" Nurse Engel asked cautiously, still holding the crazy woman in a tight vice.

Tara could only nod, still reeling from the wave of emotions flooding over her. She just couldn't make sense of everything she was feeling right now…

Nurse Engel had no choice but to let the woman out of her grip and in a flash, she was sprinting down the hall, looking in various rooms to find her husband.

"You know we could reprimand her for violating patient privacy," Nurse Engel muttered under her breath to Tara.

Tara couldn't even muster the strength to laugh. "If we did that, we'd have to keep her around here for longer."

Nurse Engel chuckled heartily and was about to respond when a loud crash was heard from Jax's room, followed by loud yelling and screaming.

"Lord Jesus, have mercy," Nurse Engel muttered again as both her and Tara took off running to see what was going on.

When Tara pushed open the door, her senses were immediately assaulted with the chaos erupting from the room.

"I told you to get the hell out here, Wendy!" Jax was yelling.

"I'm your wife!" Wendy screamed back shrilly, wringing her hands in front of her.

"Like hell you are!" Jax roared back.

"Ok, ok, everyone just calm down," Tara stated calmly, daring to step into the chaos. "Jax, I don't know what's going on but she said she was your wife so I let her through…"

"It's not your fault, Tara; you didn't know." Jax replied tiredly. It was the first time since they'd come face to face that he hadn't regarded her with contempt or icy passivity. In fact, he looked almost relieved to see her. Tara was beginning to think maybe she needed to be thanking this insane woman.

"Jax," Wendy sobbed through her fingers. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright! Half-Sack told me what happened and I couldn't wait…I had to know you were ok! Baby…I love you…"

As she spoke, Wendy tried to move closer to Jax but instead, was met with an even fiercer ice-glare than he had previously bestowed on Tara. But this time, there was something else underneath the glare that hadn't been there before for her. Was it annoyance? Exasperation? Maybe hatred from Jax Teller was better than pure frustration, from a certain point of view.

"Wendy…I don't know how many times I have to explain this to you," Jax said evenly. "But we're done. We're over. In two months, you're going to legally be my ex-wife but you and I both know that was done a long time ago. Now, I'm going to ask you again to leave. If you don't, the Doc's going to have to call security and then you're going to get taken to jail and who knows what they're going to find out about you when you get there, you know what I mean?"

Wendy paled and her mouth dropped open. She stared at Jax in shock for a few moments before her face crumbled in devastation. It was almost as if she hadn't believed everything Jax had seemingly told her over and over again and it was only now, here in this tiny hospital room surrounded by strangers and the man she had once called her husband that she was finally beginning to believe it was over.

"Get out, Wendy." Jax whispered stonily. His gaze finally rested on Tara and once his eyes found hers, the ice immediately began to melt into something she couldn't quite put her finger on. Regardless, she took that as her cue to help Wendy find her way out.

"Ma'am," she began smoothly with as much warmth as she could muster, "I think it's time that you leave—"

She reached out to touch Wendy's arm but she jerked her arm away with fire in her eyes.

"Don't touch me!" Wendy spat out. "You think I don't know who you are?"

"Wendy…come on…" Jax pleaded exasperatedly from his bed.

The crazy woman was nose to nose with her now, despite Nurse Engel's attempts to get between them.

"You knew who I was, didn't you? Huh?" Wendy purred, her low voice laced with malice. "So you just let me in here so you could make a fool of me, right? Well, you got another thing coming you stuck-up prissy little bitch! I know who you are and I know you-"

"Wendy, I don't know what your problem is but—" Tara tried.

"Like hell you don't," Wendy spat. "I know everything there is to know about you, you little—"

"Alright, that's enough of this. You get out or I'll kick you out!" Nurse Engel yelled out, strong-arming Wendy towards the door and away from Tara and Jax.

"You want to end up arrested? What's wrong with you? You've got a baby in your belly…stupid, stupid, stupid…" Nurse Engel kept going as she continued to push Wendy out the door and down the hall, despite Wendy's persistent swipes to get past her.

When the door was finally closed and the air was finally clear, Tara finally felt like she could let go of the breath she'd been holding the last few intense minutes. She ran a shaky hand over her face and rubbed her increasingly tired eyes before finally daring a look at Jax.

He was watching her carefully and for the first time in ten years, his eyes met hers with genuine concern and even a hint of apology.

"I'm sorry about that," he said quietly. "You shouldn't have had to deal with that."

"I'm just sorry I let her through…she said she was your wife so I just assumed that…"

"No…no, I get it. She has this bad habit of telling people that we're still married even though I made it pretty clear a few months ago that we aren't. It'll be official in two months but as far as I'm concerned…" He trailed off with a heavy sigh.

"Sorry…when is she…I mean, how far along is she?" Tara asked cautiously.

"About 8 months, I think…I guess I haven't been doing everything I should be doing…" He trailed off again.

"You're going to be a great father, Jax." She assured him with a warm smile.

He laughed and ran a nervous hand through his hair. "Yeah, here's hoping, right?"

She smiled again and dared to take a step closer to his bed. "I don't think you have anything to worry about, Jax."

He laughed again, a little shakily this time and she sensed that somehow, in the midst of all the chaos that occurred within the last five minutes, that something had changed. They were talking and laughing, albeit hesitantly, but it was still happening.

"Well, before all this went down, I was just finishing some paperwork that said you passed some of the tests you need to get out of here. Before we get too ahead of ourselves, I still need to get you out of that bed and walking around a little to see how you do on your feet."

He nodded eagerly and immediately whipped the blankets off of him so he could swing his legs over the side.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Tara halted him, resting her hands lightly on the top of his shoulders to push him back down. "You have to take it easy. I know you're feeling better but some of that is because of the pain meds you finally agreed to. When that starts to wear off again, you might not be feeling so well."

He nodded again and shot her that lop-sided grin she hadn't seen in over ten years. It almost made her heart stop. Almost. She had to keep reminding herself she wasn't 19 anymore and even though the sight of his sculpted chest and arms and the sudden presence of the smile that had made her melt, in more ways than one, she wasn't that girl anymore.

She gripped his arm tightly and slowly helped him to his feet. He took a steady step forward as she moved slowly with him at his side. This time, he didn't jump away at her touch. He allowed her to lead him carefully by the arm out the door and down the hall. They moved in an easy unison but neither knew quite what to say in this situation. His closeness was agonizing; she could smell his sweat; she had forgotten on much just the touch of his skin could do to her and she had no idea what that meant. She just had to keep telling herself that it didn't mean anything for either of them, that in a few short hours he would be free to leave the hospital, his terrifying mother would come pick him up as fast as her Escalade could carry her, and then this whole thing would be over.

Eventually, their slow shuffle morphed into a slow walk, which eventually became a brisk stroll around the floor. Jax was quickly proving he had regained any strength he'd lost and by their second lap, he didn't need to hang on to her anymore.

And finally, he broke the silence: "So…how's your dad doing, Tara?"

She paused for a moment and almost didn't know what to say. He was staring back at her with genuine concern in his light blue eyes, the second time that night he had completely caught her off guard. On some level, this wasn't the Jax she had left behind. There was something more mature, more understanding, and almost sensitive about him that hadn't been there when they'd been together. In high school, he'd been just as impulsive, if not more so than her, just as immature and just as stubborn. Maybe some things did change after all.

"Well…uh…I guess he's doing as well as you'd expect. His doctors have told me they're doing everything they can to keep him comfortable…they're saying he's got weeks, maybe months…they don't really know for sure." She replied somewhat shakily.

He was watching her carefully, concern in his empathetic eyes.

"Well," he said softly after a few moments, "if it counts for anything, I'm sorry he's going through this. And…I'm sorry you're going through this right now too. Shit, I can't imagine what that must be like…"

When he saw the pain in her eyes, he shook his head and ran a hand over his face. "Jesus, I'm sorry, Tara. I didn't mean to make it anymore…"

"It's alright, Jax. Don't worry about it."

He nodded slowly and rubbed his chin lightly. "So, after…well, how long are you planning on staying in town?"

She shrugged her shoulders and threw her hands up. "As long as I need to, I suppose."

He nodded again and for the rest of their saunter around the floor, he was silent.

* * *

Within a few hours, Jax was gone and her shift was finally over. Gemma, of course, had practically sprinted through the hallways to pick up her precious son and save him from the evil doctor's clutches. She's kissed him and hugged him and looked him over to make sure he was still in one piece after being away from her for so long. It was enough to make anyone vomit. Tara actually almost had.

Despite the disgusting display, Gemma had shocked her with a polite 'thank you' for her assistance. And the politeness had promptly ended there. But as they left, Jax had turned back to face her; he waved gingerly, still careful not to jostle the arm in a sling, and had mouthed "thanks" to her as his mother led him away from her.

So after everything all, her shift had turned out to have been way too eventful for her tastes. That's what she got for complaining about being bored at work: she'd had to come face to face with everyone and everything she'd been afraid of, not to mention a scary encounter with Jax's soon-to-be ex-wife. She shuddered just thinking about it.

As she grabbed her purse from her locker and hung up her white coat, it was becoming impossible not think about her encounter with Jax. He was different…although exactly how or why was beyond her. She couldn't blame him for his initial greeting and treatment of her; she probably deserved it for the way she'd left him and just about everybody else. Part of her had actually sort of expected that from him. She'd been prepared for it. But what she hadn't been prepared for was the concern about the dust-up with Wendy and when they'd carefully discussed her father's condition. But she couldn't go so far as to even consider that he still might care about her. He really shouldn't. Because he was married…even if it was over…and because he was going to be a father…and she knew exactly why that one hurt the deepest…

With a deep sigh, she slammed her locker shut and up the stairs to the oncology wing of the hospital. She hadn't checked on her father in over eight hours and even though that wasn't really her fault, she still felt guilty about it. When she turned the corner and pushed the hospital room door open, she froze at the sight of the person standing over her sleeping father's bed.

Jax.

He looked up when he heard the door creak open and smiled gingerly, running his free hand through his unkempt hair.

"Hey," he said softly. "Sorry…I didn't mean to scare you. I guess I was just feeling guilty for not having come to see him sooner. So I figured…I was here so…"

She nodded slowly and bit her lip. She didn't know what to say. The last person she'd expected to see in this room was him. And since he was there, she didn't have the slightest clue what to do. After all, she'd just talked herself into believing she wouldn't have to see again and now here he was. Continuing to torture her.

"Where's Gemma?" She asked uneasily.

"Oh, don't worry about her," he replied quickly, sensing the hesitation in her voice. "She's just bringing the car around…I won't bother you guys for too long."

"You're not bothering anyone, Jax." As soon as the words left her lips, she immediately regretted them. That hadn't exactly sounded the way she'd meant it. But, how had she really meant it?

Instead of acknowledging anything, his eyes travelled back to her father's sleeping form and after several moments of uncomfortable silence, he finally said hoarsely: "Why did you come back, Tara?"

Her head snapped up in shock. She hadn't known what to expect, but it definitely wasn't that. And the solemn look in his eyes told her that he was expecting honesty now.

" Because it was the right thing to do, Jax," she replied quietly. "And I couldn't let him die here all alone. I owe him more than that."

He nodded slowly and finally looked right in her eyes. Another moment passed before he was able to find his next words: "Why did you take a job here at St. Thomas?"

Again, she had no idea how to respond to that. Why was he asking her these questions? What did he care? Besides, it wasn't really his business anymore nor was it any of his concern why she had accepted a job. At least that's what she had to tell herself.

With a heavy sigh, she just shrugged. "I honestly don't know, Jax."

There was something reflecting in his eyes that made her uneasy and almost made her want to escape the room and get as far away as possible. But then again, she had already tried to do that once and here she was, back and seemingly in the exact same position as before. The way he was looking at her, like nothing had changed, like it was the same old heartbreak all over again, the same old issues, and the same old confrontations…it was too much.

"Are you sure about that, Tara?" There was a sudden hard edge in his voice as if her slightest hesitation was enough to send him back into self-defense mode.

Finally, she was able to meet him in the eye and reply evenly: "Yeah, I am."

He nodded once and looked down at her father one more time, before stepping carefully around her. She couldn't turn around to watch him shut the door quietly behind him. Instead, she just took her place by her father's bedside and slid into a nearby chair, welcoming the sleep that had been evading her all day and night long, too exhausted to process the night's events.

Tomorrow, after all, was another day.

* * *

A/N-Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! The feedback is really what keeps me going and I made this chapter extra-long for you guys! So...lots going on in this chapter...and some major hints to one of Tara's big secrets (the biggest one, actually)...let's see who can figure it out! Again...R/R!


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